Your post-wedding blues wouldn’t surprise a psychologist. It’s widespread, and you are not the first nor the last. Let’s start there.
Then accept it. It’s ok; you’ll come around. Your personality still lies somewhere inside, waiting to pop up again.
Being a pessimist or an optimist by nature makes no difference. It can happen to anyone.
How Does It Feel?
So, you just got married at this fantastic wedding venue in Houston. It was a dream wedding. Now, everything has settled in slowly.
All of a sudden, you find yourself at the bottom a dark hole with no way out. You already know that this is not a low energy day or some short melancholia episode. I am talking about weeks long lack of energy to do anything: clean the house, take a shower, grocery shopping, etc. Hopelessness prevails your mind and body, and you perceive only the negative side of everything you see, you hear, or experience.
The more you do it, the more you train and program your brain to apply the pattern further. You are practicing, and you are becoming an expert at hopelessness.
Stretched over time, it can cause physical symptoms, such as loss of appetite, digestion problems, trouble sleeping, lack of sexual desire, etc.
Things That Make It Worse
Feeling guilty is an enhancer. You married the person you love. You have your whole life to spend together. You might have moved to a new, cozy apartment after a romantic honeymoon. Yet still, you feel like you are the saddest person in the world with no reason to be happy and excited. It makes you feel guilty. You feel like you are not fair to your partner, to life. Depression and guilt support each other.
Letting the current feelings reflect over the past and the future can further intensify your state. Your past life makes no sense, and the future holds nothing better than what you are feeling now. You got trapped in a victim mode. Somehow, it feels indulging.
Having lots of free time on your hands is not your ally. If you are between jobs, on leave, or unemployed, with nothing that can occupy your mind entirely, you have more time to practice feeling low.
Why Does It Happen?
Let’s talk about the things you lost.
You will never have your old life back. The life you practiced and presumably loved is gone. Chances are you moved to a new city or an unknown neighborhood. You are nostalgic. You don’t know the area where you live. Streets, cafes, people, everything feels strange.
The excitement of planning the wedding is gone. There is no need to call people and make fun and essential decisions about colors and flowers. The exciting chats with your friends about your future life are in the past. You packed your wedding dress away. You might feel that the most important project of your life is over. Everything worth happening has already happened. It all leads to an energy drop.
You are no longer in the focus of your friends and family, your wedding planner if you had one, your wedding photographer, etc. It could make you feel like everyone forgot about you.
Let’s see what the new things to adapt to are.
First and foremost, a new life role. So far, you have been a daughter or a son, a friend, an uncle, an aunt, but now you are a spouse. Even if you don’t think about it consciously, the awareness is there, letting you know you have no idea how to do it and what the expectations are. It can feel like a burden and can lead to the feeling of resentment towards your partner.
You might have added a few new life goals: growing old together, building a family, respecting family members’ needs as much as yours. They are not bad per se, on the contrary. They are, however, brand new.
They come with a list of new responsibilities. The change is even more drastic if you have moved in together just now. You are running a household with more involvement than before. Even things that seem easy, like getting your partner’s favorite snack at the supermarket, can, at times, feel burdening.
In the end, those massive life changes you just went through leave you wondering if you did the right thing getting married at all.
Anxiety, anger, fear, and sadness is what you feel. It’s a nasty combo, but nothing you cannot defeat.
How to Fix It
Try to feel less guilty about your current state. You have the right to your emotions. Keep saying to yourself that you are not a bad person. If you think you should be kinder to the people around you, communicate. Say how you feel.
If you have already had depressive episodes earlier in life, call your psychologist again. Call them even before the wedding and let them prepare you for what is coming. If not, don’t be embarrassed to ask for one. Having a professional saying that what you feel is reasonable is a considerable burden off your shoulders.
Prepare a project that you will start working on right after the wedding: something fresh and exciting. Keep it within the range of your abilities, though; otherwise, it will get you frustrated.
Set achievable goals, start small. ‘I’m not gonna run 5 miles today, but I’ll take my dog for a walk.’ Do the dishes, make the bed, etc.
Consider the activities that raise the serotonin blood level: try to exercise a bit, walk in the sun, spend time with the people you love and trust, listen to music.
Meditate and practice self-love.
Stick to any routine.
Try to eat as healthy as possible. All that chocolate makes you feel better, but it also contains sugar, which raises insulin, which makes us feel even more drained and tired. Take a piece of dark chocolate instead.
Try to fight the negative thoughts as hard as you can using logic and common sense.‘Surely the world is not coming to an end; everybody would be panicking, not only me.’
For every negative thought,t you have, try to find an antipode, a positive thing. Yes, many animals have gone extinct, but, at the same time, thanks to hard work and care, many of them have been taken off the endangered species list.
Start journaling. Journaling is a very efficient way to learn more about yourself and the way you feel. It can lead to some impressive results.
Going through a depressive episode is difficult. Embrace yourself and how you feel right now and keep the following in mind:
– you are not a bad and ungrateful person
– it happens to more people than you can imagine
– it will go away; you won’t be feeling like this forever
– you are still your old self.
Restrain yourself from questioning your choice of a life partner at this stage and take things slowly.
The more aware and active you choose to be, the sooner you will be in a transport of delight. It’s called moving forward. It’s called life.
AuthorBio: James Barnes is an experienced wedding organizer and blogger at theannexevents.com. He specialized in organizing outdoor wedding events.When he isn’t writing about weddings and marital life, David usually goes swimming or playing squash.