Breakups are hard to do. Whether you ended things, the split was amicable, or the relationship was toxic, ending something that at one point meant the world to you is never easy. You sacrificed a great deal of your time, energy, heart, and even your own identity to ensuring the success of the relationship. Now that it’s over, there are pieces of you that have been destroyed.
You feel empty, hurt, frustrated, and lost. You may even feel like a failure because things didn’t work out. Though it’s devastating at the moment, healing from a bad breakup is possible. It starts with learning to find and love yourself again. It won’t happen overnight, but with practice and the right steps, you can be happy once again. Below are some suggestions on how to begin this process.
Distance Yourself From Your Ex
There are days when you’ll be happy that you’re no longer together and times when you wish you could be back in their arms. It is imperative that you don’t act on those feelings. Your healing will be stagnated if you continue to try and revisit what isn’t anymore. Even if you believe things may work out between the two of you in the future it is best to keep your distance for now. This means deleting or blocking their phone number, unfollowing them on social media, and, if necessary, distancing yourself from mutual friends. You need this time to focus on building your self-worth and recovering from what was your relationship.
Focus on the Positive
This one might seem easier said than done but somehow you’ve got to take your mind off the negative and focus on the positive. Dwelling on negativity will only keep you in a dark space. It will continue to resurface all those bad emotions and circumstances that brought you to this place. Every time you find yourself thinking about the bad, train your brain to look on the bright side. Replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. “I can’t believe the relationship is over” could be replaced by, “I’m now free to find someone better suited for me”. “Maybe I am a horrible person for ending it” could be turned around to “I’m proud of myself for stepping away for something unhealthy.”
Be in Good Company
When you’re going through a bad breakup it’s common to want to do nothing more than isolate yourself from the world. You’re hurting, embarrassed, and so many other things and all you want to do is be alone. You should spend some time alone, but too much time by yourself is a surefire way to keep wallowing in your pain. Instead, go surround yourself with good company. Spending time with family and friends that you trust is a good idea. They won’t be there to judge you but will help to support you, lend a listening ear, provide a shoulder to cry on, and help to uplift your spirits.
Finding happiness and self-worth again after a breakup is all about learning how to make yourself feel good. One way of doing this is by treating yourself on occasion. Go get a new hairstyle, or do some online shopping at places like www.shirtspace.com and buy some new clothes, treat yourself to a spa day, or simply go get some ice cream and a movie and relax. The more you learn how to make yourself smile, the better you start to feel.
Create New Goals
If you were in a long-term relationship chances are you guys had goals and visions for what you wanted your lives together to be like. Now that you’re no longer together it’s time to get an idea of what you want to do with your own life. You can create a list of goals or make a vision board to place somewhere visible in your home. Look at it each day and try to do something (whether large or small) every day to get towards those goals. As you tackle them you’ll feel more confident in who you are now and where you’re going.
Sometimes, after a bad breakup, the best thing you can do is take some time away from all things familiar. It provides you with the means to clear your head, get your thoughts together, and just relax. If you have the means and resources to do so, perhaps you should plan a solo trip. Go someplace you’ve always wanted to go and indulge in new experiences. Though it’s only temporary, the time you spend away can open your eyes to new possibilities.
Take Care of Yourself
Lots of people who go through bad breakups end up falling apart so badly that they neglect their own health and wellness. They stop eating, exercising, have trouble sleeping, and all of this hinders their ability to truly recover emotionally. The best thing you can do to find your happiness and self-worth is taking care of your health. Eat well-balanced meals daily, stay active, and, make sure you’re getting at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
Go to Counseling
If it’s been a while since your breakup and you’re still feeling stressed or depressed it may be ideal to talk with a therapist about it. A therapist can help you in taking steps towards creating a new normal and finding your self-worth. If necessary, they can also provide you with medications to help regulate your emotions until you’re able to do so yourself. Through repeat sessions, you can begin to learn more about yourself that will help you create a better future.
Breakups, whether for the best or not, are very complicated to get past. Each person invests so much of themselves into the relationship that when it’s over, it feels very much like you’ve lost part of yourself. The only way to recover and move on is to pick up the pieces, learn to love yourself, and figure out how to make yourself happy. It may take time, but in the end, you’ll be able to look back on this all as a valuable lesson that has helped to shape you into the great person you are today.